I am back.

This morning I was absolutely gutted. 

Why? Because my monthly arrived today. A week late. Now, this probably wouldn't be seen as bad, because having a monthly means everything is working, right? Not when I just started to have faith that it was becoming regular- after all, I have been looking after myself better since January, eating better, sleeping well, taking my meds more seriously, cutting back on sugar- so really, my period should be improving, right? Wrong.

What was worse, I had some pain in my hips during my fertile days and last week, I was getting cramps without actually bleeding-which made me think, what if, just want if: I'd finally done it, it had worked out? After all, I'd been feeling so positive since January, until yesterday, surely that has some effect?

But no, fate decided to play with me again- just when I thought i had gotten everything right this time, fate was going to swipe the mat from underneath my feet in a 'haha, only kidding, you're not' type of mockery. Get my hopes up. Set me up for yet another disappointment that I am nowhere NEAR my goal- not only am I not pregnant, but my period is irregular, AGAIN.

I was ready to give up, when I realized: I am a very stubborn creature, I've set this as my goal and If fate was hoping I would fall into a sea of despair and cesspit of depression, and give everything up, it has another thing coming. Fate doesn't realise just who it's up against: An very stubborn individual, someone who may have given up easily in the past, but that person is no more. I will persist, I will be stubborn, I will NOT be thrown off my goal, especially since this is just a temporary setback. I am now back on my feet and feeling better, ready to get on with my challenge.

I'm back.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Obsessing

Do you sometimes find that, when you have a goal, you fixate on it so much you can't think about or do anything else? The fear that even the slightest distraction will ruin everything and you feel you have to keep thinking and focusing on your goal? This is a bad idea because it's now no longer a goal, but an obsession and you end up living in fear, stress and doubt, which are all enemies and unnecessary on this journey, or any health journey. Obsession is never a good thing, even over something good.  I realized I've obsessed not just about another child, but generally during my lifetime, for example about relationships and friendships.  I've found that when I start obsessing over people, the friendship goes south because i start to annoy not only them but work myself up, disappoint myself, etc. Why did I do this? Because I was rather silly in my younger years, but also because I wanted to be popular and be liked by a lot of people. I felt if I didn't obsess over t...
Read more

My lists

Here I'll be making a list of things which have helped me personally or not; and new things I'm trying. NOTE: THESE ARE THINGS WHICH HAVE WORKED/HWVENT WORKED FOR ME PERSONALLY, I AM NOT A PROFESSIONAL.  1. Things which have personally helped me and new things I'm trying: Herbs : I am an advocate of natural remedies generally, as I find they've helped me the most: enough sleep, exercise, relaxation, positivity and a healthy diet- although for the last one it's better to consult a specialist as well. Growing up in Bulgaria and constantly getting Ill as a child, I was given a lot of natural remedies.  The first couple of times I got pregnant was natural: no medication, only healthy diet, enough sleep, holiday spent in the sun and some herbs for PCOS I was able to acquire in Bulgaria. The first time, I had cut out sugar for a few months, ate a lot of yogurt, had a relaxing summer holiday by the sea, went to the St Michael monastery on the Island of Thassos. The second ...
Read more