Living with PCOS

Like a lot of women in today's age, I too was diagnosed with PCOS. This was in 2010, 3 years after my marriage, and explained my irregular periods and inability to conceive. But a few months after my diagnosis, when we were in chaos thinking and worrying about different treatment methods for our problem, God blessed us with a healthy pregnancy and baby. 

However, 2nd time round it still wasn't easy; first of all I had to abstain from trying again for a while because I'd given birth via csection, and it seemed my PCOS had gotten stronger- unlike with some women with fertility issues, who seem to have no problems getting pregnant a 2nd or more times. I believe there were a few causes behind my stronger PCOs and infertility:

Anger (why me?)

Stress and worry over being unable to get pregnant a 2nd time, even after having used a fertility monitor, which the GP advised wasn't good as it was a stressful methods.

Not spending enough time trying to conceive for a while- again, partly because of the C-section 

Not having cut out sugar entirely from my diet, no exercise and most of all, not getting enough sleep: it's never easy to get enough sleep or intimate time with a young child. Another reason was due to a friendship which took up a large chunk of my time, meaning I wasn't getting enough sleep. I actually got pregnant a 2nd time after the friendship ended, when I made sure to go to bed early. Not only meant was I getting enough sleep, but I was also relaxing and spending time with family and friends  which helped a lot.

Also: I wasn't loving myself enough, something I needed to learn to do, to put my health first.  Neither did I express gratitude enough (something I learned from my mother and a new friend) but instead was angry and bitter.

To make matters worse, I suffered a miscarriage with my 2nd pregnancy in 2018, 6 years after my first pregnancy. I still felt depressed due to my PCOs and helpless, especially as it had taken me so long to get pregnant a 2nd time. 

Then, I met someone who helped change my thinking. He taught me that loving myself is the most important thing, and also taught me about the Universe. I felt he was supportive of my cause to want to eliminate my PCOs, even telling me that I can heal myself by thinking positively.

I also had the support of my family and friends, especially my mother who encouraged me to eat healthy and take the right supplements, do exercise and not to be so angry and negative. In Feb 2019, following my mother's advice to eliminate sugar, I went sugar free as much as I could, also keeping in mind my friend's advice of thinking positively. 

In march 2019, I got the wonderful news: I didn't have PCOS anymore. The first part of my journey, healing my ovaries, had been accomplished!

Not for long. PCOS were back a while later, perhaps due to the fact I hadn't kept up with my healthy diet, exercise and positive thinking. In addition, I was also angry that I still wasnt getting pregnant. In other words, I had been very unappreciative for my blessing of no more PCOs.

Something else my friend had taught me about was manifesting. Basically, the idea that we manifest what we think about: if we are positive, we send out positive vibes into the universe and it sends us positivity; or when thinking negatively we get negativity back. While I already knew a bit about positive and negative energy from my mother, I wasn't familiar with manifestation. I liked the idea and decided to incorporate it into my journey to Healing and Pregnancy.

I learned about Goal Boards and a little about how to make them, so made one with photo cut outs of babies , including my first born and her friends. Then, I sorted my baby books out into the right shelves, in the corner for children. I have an interest in Feng Shui, even if i don't always remember where the specific corners are.

Regarding manifestation, it didn't work for me at the time which lead to other measures. 

One very important thing I learned about was gratitude for the things I have in my life, so started being more grateful for that which I took for granted before: my wonderful family, my daughter, my job, my friends, but most importantly, my miracle pregnancy and baby. I started making gratitude journals and lists. I also started listening to binaural beats, especially for PCOS and getting pregnant. 

For a while, during the first year of COVID, I did lose track of my goal to eliminate PCOS and get pregnant (though to be fair I think this was a chaotic, confusing time for everyone) but since January 2021, I'm back on it. 

In regards to the COVID situation, I spent more time with family: with husband and daughter at home, since daughter had homeschooling, and walks in the park with my parents. I was also working from home which gave me time to discover new things I wouldn't have had time for otherwise, like manifestation and find others like me who have had fertility problems. I had more time with my husband who also worked from home. 

Once my daughter went back to school it was a matter of organising my time better- for working, eating, spending time with family.

Since having learnt about positivity and gratitude, I began practising it more. I may not have become pregnant 3rd time, but I now feel more calm and at ease about it, no longer stressing out. 

Recently, I have decided to take my health into my own hands and try to eliminate PCOS on my own. Having read enough inspiring stories from people who have managed to heal themselves I felt inspired to try to heal myself. The biggest source of inspiration has been my mother, and my daughter. My mother was diagnosed with cancer, heart and blood problems, but she was able to improve her conditions by eliminating her unhealthy diet, being more positive and just carrying on instead of giving up. 

When you're going through depression or physical illness one of the important things to have is a good support system, and she is my biggest supporter and motivator, always advising me, encouraging me to keep up my healthy lifestyle and getting me the right supplements. My daughter too has been very encouraging, especially telling me that when I don't think about something too much, it will happen; in addition to letting me rest and just being here, my little miracle. 

Like I already mentioned, I had lost trackof my goal sometime during 2020, but at the start of 2021 I was back on track. In fact, I have to say that my time in lockdown taught me many new things, which I probably wouldn't have thought of before during my busy everyday work life.

Still on the lookout for inspiring stories and advice from people who have suffered the same or similar but have gone on to have more children, I came across an Instagram account which was just right for me. The author had the same diagnosis as me and had lot of advice for other sufferers. She had published a PCOs diary, and I realized this was what I needed. So 2 months into the new year, I had supplied myself with the diary. I found it very useful, with space to write your own meal plans for every week and advice on all the pages, recipes and records of appointments. 

I found this was the perfect way to put my health into my own hands, because now I would be able to monitor and observe my health and cycles and keep track of all the things I'm doing to improve my health.

I personally love all the little bits of advice and the tick boxes for good food, sleep, exercise; I even added my own at the end to personalize it: extra positivity which would include laughter; meds (supplements) and no caffeine/sugar, sugar being my biggest enemy on my journey.